Little Things

Today, I...

• Spray painted 5 (!!!!!!) things in our house that were bugging me. Is it weird to have 4 "Sunny Yellow" items in one, small home?
• Checked out 27 childrens' books at the library and NONE for myself. Big fail.
• Watched my son do the monkey bars at the neighborhood park for the first time. He had such pride!
• Planned to make secret cupcakes tonight for Valentine's Day lunch at Lil's school tomorrow
• Talked to two different mama friends who both commented on the intense love/pressure/responsibility that comes with this parenting gig.
• Tried on two new shirts as possible outfits for Valentine's date with the hubs tonight. I felt 22 again...almost.
• Hoped that I would not fall asleep before Valentine's date with the hubs tonight. Instantly felt 37 again.

Happy Valentine's Day to my lovely readers....mom, that means you. :)

Sidewalk

Front sidewalk, that time in between homework and when Dad is home from work and, finally, dinnertime.

 I love this time of day...outside...in the neighborhood. Simple family time. Feels so familiar, like "when we were kids." As Lily has been saying with her six-year-old wisdom..."Those were the days."

Looking Back

I went for a walk this morning with a wonderful friend...someone whom I have known since we were young (are we still young?) We talked about college, choices we made, experiences we avoided, and the insecurities of that time period.* I surprised even myself as I remembered the play that I did not try out for because none of my friends were involved in theater. The term abroad I did not apply for because I worried that by the time I returned back to school, my friends would have moved on without me. I remembered the defining moment that I experienced when I realized enough is enough. That my insecurities could not define my choices any longer. That I had to take some risks. 

Months later, I sat in my parents' living room telling them that I was moving to Los Angeles to teach in East L.A. To live in community with, at that point, strangers. To drive my dad's old car across the country. To try something new. For me...this was beyond bold.

This early-morning, old-friend type of conversation that put into perspective for me, this stage of life in which I live today. Mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister. I exist in this space, most days, with confidence that I could not have even dreamed up those years in college. I think this is what people talk about when they say getting older is not so bad...the comfort with oneself.

*We talked about all of this due to a passing comment about Bradley Cooper and swooning. :) Bradley Cooper to Villanova to Habitat to the wisdom that comes with age. That was the order of topics, yes, Ruma?

Mornings

They start early around here, our mornings. Up by 6:30 every day...pitter patter of feet coming in to our room. I follow them out to the kitchen, in my slippers. Turning on lights, taking out crayons, giving kisses. We make oatmeal for one, toasted bagel for the other, and always, coffee for me.

They sit and make more noise than necessary at this early hour, but they are happy. My warm mug in my hands helps ease me in to the day, which will be full and loud and messy and lovely. And this moment of warmth and sitting with my family will hopefully fill me up just enough to deal with the challenges of the day with some patience and love. Mornings are new and hopeful.

Today

Today...I prioritized myself and practiced yoga for 90 blissful, hip-opening minutes.
Today...my sweet friends, adult and tot-sized, bought me a nice, strong coffee.
Today...my son wrote hilariously direct thank you notes to our friends and family. He wanted to do so many "by myself."
Today...I brought my kids swimming and we laughed and cheered as we tried to beat our relay race record of 65 seconds.
Today...I surprised the kids and Pa with a frozen yogurt stop. They were all equally happy.
Today...I will make my family homemade pizza and my husband will declare it "better than  the pizza place pizza" as he does every week.
Today...I will walk to my daughter's school for a meeting, peek in her desk and leave her a silly note.
Today I know just how lucky I am.

Transition

It has been a rough transition coming home (California) from home (Ellicott City) this past week. I underestimated the effects of leaving extended family togetherness, kids getting constant attention, having little to no plans each day, no school, and so on and coming back to cleaning, unpacking, morning routine, homework, and even, for goodness sake, making my own coffee. Yes, vacation life was good. And regular life is pretty darn good, too. But being in that gnarly transition place between the two...yeah, not so good.

We have had a good bit of crankiness, a resistance to the "must-do" items of the day. However, with each extra hour of sleep, each day of routine under our belts, and let's face it, extra coffee, we are finally emerging. Today feels almost normal...school, volunteering, work, playground, homework, dinner...we are making it through relatively unscathed. A wonderful friend told me, one day in, that I would feel better soon. She was right. Thanks, K.

Roller coaster

Yesterday was one of those days...beauty and simplicity mixed with chaos and frustration. The inevitable ebb and flow of parenting, this I know. Yet, it somehow always takes me by surprise. Makes me second-guess my approach. Reassess my goals. Over-analyze my day and the choices that were made.

What I have to remind myself is that my children, those who take me on this roller coaster ride at times, are their own little people. With thoughts and dreams and worries and desires that are independent of my approach, my goals, my choices.

These days will happen, always. Days filled with beauty and chaos. Days with smiles and tears. We are four humans, our little family. Four humans with our own individuality...sometimes in harmony, sometimes in conflict, but always in it together.

Five

Our sweet boy turns five tomorrow. He laughs huge guffaws. He eats oatmeal almost every day.  He knows that a trip to the coffee shop means a latte for Mommy and a cocoa for him. His excitement does not mean much to him until he shares it with his sis. He likes to be on Daddy's team when we play cards. The first five years have been sweet, my boy. Can't wait for the rest.

A Resting State

Over the past three days, I have been gifted with more quiet than in several months past. Children playing with cousins, host and hostess preparing meals, snowy weather outside. I have realized just how much of my day is dedicated to home and children. Without those two, really important, elements of my day carving away time, I am left with time to rest, read and think. I find my mind, as it often does at this time of year, drift off to ideas of newness. New projects at home, new recipes to try, new hobbies to explore.

I have been snuggling in bed with a sick one all day...watching her sweet face. Children's features are so much more prominent when they are sick, I think. Those dewy eyes, pink cheeks and finally, a smile, after hours of sadness. I painfully realize that my life will, soon enough, not be quite as filled up with home and children. The motivation that sweeps in with the new year, the focus on newness, is valid and necessary for growth. But, the familiarity and constant of the old is quite fulfilling as well.

Hola, 2013!

Awakened early by a snuggly bug, an almost 5-year-old snuggly bug. Five!? After an hour of snuggles, our 6-year-old beauty joins us and we putter downstairs to my brother and sister-in-law's cozy kitchen. Coffee is made for me. Children color at the table with a much-loved cousin. Husband snoozes upstairs. Life feels a bit like a retreat right now. This is a nice start, 2013. Well done.

Last night, as I contemplated goals, resolutions, plans for the new year, I found myself a little...uninspired. There are certainly parts of my life that need tinkering. Certainly habits that could use some breaking.

However, my instinctive reaction to life is to be action-oriented. Challenging day with the kids? Read up on ideas once they go to bed, talk to trusted friends, and make a plan for tomorrow. Feeling a little off? Make a good lunch and go for a long walk the next day. I found myself wondering if my list of goals will just put more pressure on myself, when I already do that pretty damn well all on my own.

Still, I do want to get back to yoga, to learn to sew, to practice Spanish, to wash my face at night (sort of a lame resolution, but my flossing one last year was just as lame and was a game-changer.) :)

I read about a woman who comes up with a theme each year on which to focus. I appreciate the singular focus of a theme, the vagueness that allows interpretation as we, inevitably, change over the next 12 months. My theme...Growth.

I am emerging out of the phase of my life where I am knee-deep in caring for young children. This fact can make me weep if I think about it too long. However, it is an important transition back to myself.

Searching

I am back to this space. Not sure what I am looking for, but looking I am. Feeling the need for expression. For creativity. For a space of my own. For communication. And sharing.

I will start with the simple moments that crept out of this busy season. Reading Christmas stories on the sofa. Making sticker-filled, marker-covered projects for Grandmas and Grandpas. Playing in 1 inch of snow as if it were a verified snow storm.  Lots of cocoa. Secretly making gifts for siblings with a random assortment of glitter, glue and reused salted caramel boxes! Sugar cookies with Aunt Jess and Noona. Delicious dinner with the whole family.

There is much that can be overdone at this time of year. Stress over aspects of the holidays that, in reality, are not important at all. I am relieved to learn, once again, that family life can be as complicated or as simple as you would like it to be. Life will throw curveballs, even tragedies, as we were all so horribly reminded of over the past few weeks. But, even during those dark times, we can gift ourselves and others with simple joy. Or simple love. Or simple gratitude.

Love at Last

I have made attempt after attempt to love quinoa. It seems to have superpowers, according to healthy foodies everywhere. All attempts failed until this one. I have discovered, by stealing an idea from a local vegetarian joint, that I love quinoa when it is paired with lots of other crunchy textures of food. So, my last and best attempt...Warm Vegetable Quinoa Salad.

Ingredients

spring lettuce mix

cooked quinoa (I used the red quinoa from TJ's)

tempeh (cut into small cubes, browned in a cast-iron skillet with some olive oil, salt and pepper)

onions (caramelized, lots of them!)

zucchini, tomatoes, peppers (lightly sauteed with a bit of crunch left in them)

herbed goat cheese (from my favorite store ever, of course...see quinoa above)

Just make all of this into a huge salad. Dump it all in. Onions and goat cheese on top, as they are super flavorful and with them added, you really don't need dressing.

I would serve this with some really good crusty bread and real, real, real butter. Yum.

And since it is such a complete protein/animal-friendly/high-in-vitamins dinner, you should definitely eat half of a dark chocolate bar like I did. :)

P.S. Avocado never, ever hurts. Pile it on if you have it.

P.P.S. I need to start taking pictures of our food before it is devoured, so my posts can be a visually interesting. Hunger always seems to beat boring blog post.

P.P.P.S. If you are thinking, "Her kids eat that!?" You are erroneous. But I keep hoping...

Job Well Done

You know when I feel really good about a day of parenting?

When the day is halfway through and they look like this.

Fun was had, don't you think?

Intermission

So, I am realizing that taking time to write a blog implies that you have time. Here lies the problem...My lovely little L must have talked to her other 4-year-old friends and the jig is up. No more naps for me (I mean, for her, ahem....) Needless to say, my two-hour-block of quiet lunch, quick cleanup, serene shower and zone-out internet time, are OVER. Can you hear me weeping?

However, I have two recipes I must share before I depart. Tomato Soup and some sort of Quinoa Warm Salad that I have made up, which I will try to post next week.

Let it be known that I actually LOVE Campbell's Tomato Soup. This is a simple, healthy version of said soup with a little more oomph and texture. I got it from the 345 lb. book by Mark Bittman How to Cook Everything Vegetarian. This cookbook is definitely on my Christmas wishlist, by the way, seeing as my local library has already lent it to me two times.

Ingredients

2 tbsp. olive oil

2 tbsp. tomato paste

1 large onion, sliced

1 carrot, diced

Salt and pepper

4 cups canned whole tomatoes (include juice)

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

2 cups vegetable stock

1 tsp. sugar (optional)

Heat oil deep saucepan. When hot, add tomato paste and let it cook for a minute. Add onion and carrot, salt and pepper. Let cook for about 5 minutes. Add tomatoes and thyme and let cook for about 15 minutes. Add stock, stir and taste. Adjust seasoning if soup tastes flat. When soup is cool, pour into blender and puree.

I added salt and pepper upon serving. We ate this with cornbread muffins (made from Trader Joe's mix.) Of course, grilled cheese would be perfect also.

Bittman offers several variations in his cookbook, including adding cream or milk. However, I found that with the blending, this soup turns out very creamy without the addition.

And the greatest miracle of all, both kids ate it. I owe you one, Bittman.

Cozy Side Dish

Roasted potatoes are not rocket-science, I know. But, if they are not on your weekly menu, particularly in the fall and winter (okay, it is still 68 degrees here, but still...) you are missing out. This is a warm, hearty, healthy side dish. We have been doing vegetarian dinners, so roasted potatoes go well with a vegetable omelet, asparagus and salad, or if you eat fish, broiled salmon.

I use this recipe but add two chopped zucchinis and one chopped onion. I also use a lot less olive oil, but I don't really measure so I am not sure how much I use. The tiny fingerling potatoes at Trader Joe's right now are so buttery and the bag of blue, red and yellow potatoes look just a bit fancy.

Ingredients
3 pounds small red or white potatoes
1/4 cup good olive oil
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons minced garlic (6 cloves)

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Cut the potatoes in half or quarters and place in a bowl with the olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic; toss until the potatoes are well coated. Transfer the potatoes to a sheet pan and spread out into 1 layer. Roast in the oven for 45 minutes to 1 hour or until browned and crisp. Flip twice with a spatula during cooking in order to ensure even browning.

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Kitchen Envy

I am grateful for my home.

I love our simple life.

We are warm and safe and fortunate.

But, can I also simultaneously really, really want to redo my kitchen and have it look like this?

Seriously. Can we talk about that chandelier? And the red pan? And how cute the kiddies would look with their bottoms on those stools, dripping oatmeal all over that lovely counter? And how my pumpkin muffins would always puff up just right in that oven?

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Things I Love

Silver nail polish

Seriously, for 6 dollars, I actually feel just a little bit current and cool. This is refreshing seeing as I just finally heard that darn "Umbrella" song everyone has been talking about. Or everyone was talking about. Last year.

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Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything Vegetarian

It is huuuge. Really, really huge. But, you can read through it like a book. Okay, it will take weeks. But his simple approach to plant-based meals is refreshingly easy and with a plethora of recipes, you will certainly know what to do with those last measly vegetables in your produce drawer.

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We Planted a Tree by Diane Muldrow

This read-aloud will delight your children. The illustrations are beautiful and fun. The story teaches the importance of nature and also the growth/changes of family. I admit it; I cried.

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Mad Men

Okay, please tell me you watch this show. Please. It is superbly acted, dramatic, funny and such an interesting glimpse into recent American history. Plus, the clothes. And Joan. Okay, and Don. And the role of women and...the clothes. Don't be alarmed if you watch and suddenly have an urge for a cocktail.

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I like Arting

My oldest declares the above, "Mama, I like arting," while coloring with crayons. When asked what she did at school that day, she answers, "I arted." And after my visit with her teachers this morning for our getting-to-know-you sesh in her new classroom, she asked, "Was there a lot of arting stuff in there?" My little one, last night, followed the trend. When I asked him what he was doing, he answered, "I am a hard worker. I am arting."

So, last year I saw this brilliant idea to help deal with the massive amount of art projects that our children bring home from school, in addition to the masterpieces produced at home. Well, I have never used photoshop and we don't have much wall space. So, I came up with an alternative. Probably a bit lazier and a little pricier, but I think the kids will love it. (Hope to try the aforementioned idea next year...photoshop tutorial, anyone?)

I took photos of L's masterpieces throughout the year, kept a few in a folder for her to look at in the future, and secretly recycled the rest. (I know, I know. Terrible, but necessary.) Then, I created a book on Shutterfly for her, with a photo of her on her first day of school, 20 photos of her art, and a photo of her at the end of the year. The book is en route and I can't wait to see what she thinks!

Abundance

We always have a lot of zucchini. A lot. I wish I could mention my garden here, flourishing with organically-grown zucchini that I regularly make into zucchini bread and drop off at my neighbors' homes. But, in reality, I just buy a lot of zucchini from Trader Joe's.

I find that I can shred it or put it in the the food processor and add it to many recipes to get a little extra veggie intake for the kiddies. One of whom declares, "I don't like veggies." Ugh.

Here is one of my favorite zucchini recipes from my lady, the Barefoot Contessa. I use significantly less butter (only a pat) and usually one onion and a few zucchini. I find that you can just take the essence of this recipe and use whatever you have at home to get really delicious results. Using the amounts listed must make an enormous amount of gratin. Be prepared or cut the recipe down significantly.

Ingredients

• 6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) unsalted butter, plus extra for topping
• 1 pound yellow onions, cut in 1/2 and sliced (3 large)
• 2 pounds zucchini, sliced 1/4-inch thick (4 zucchini)
• 2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 cup hot milk
• 3/4 cup fresh bread crumbs
• 3/4 cup grated Gruyere

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Melt the butter in a very large (12-inch) saute pan and cook the onions over low heat for 20 minutes, or until tender but not browned. Add the zucchini and cook, covered, for 10 minutes, or until tender. Add the salt, pepper, and nutmeg and cook uncovered for 5 more minutes. Stir in the flour. Add the hot milk and cook over low heat for a few minutes, until it makes a sauce. Pour the mixture into an 8 by 10-inch baking dish.

Combine the bread crumbs and Gruyere and sprinkle on top of the zucchini mixture. Dot with 1 tablespoon of butter cut into small bits and bake for 20 minutes, or until bubbly and browned.

Weekend Musings

This weekend was FULL. Too full? I am still pondering that one. We definitely planned the weekend with the kids' needs in mind, minus a few hours for the hubs and I to each get a workout in. The kids played at three parks, went to a birthday party, (barely) made it through church (with a late arrival, at that) and rode bikes/flew a kite/played ball at the beach. Their needs were met. Certainly. But were ours? Not sure.

All I know is that I found myself on Sunday night with a glass of red wine (okay, I had two), remote in hand, ready to watch the Emmys.

And I was tired. TIRED, people.

Tired.

I know the kids are happier when they are running and playing and outside and loving up the fresh air. But when I am feeling more exhausted on Sunday night than I did on Friday I wonder what went wrong.

Next weekend, I am going to try to pencil in a little something for me. How was your weekend?