Little Things

Today, I...

• Spray painted 5 (!!!!!!) things in our house that were bugging me. Is it weird to have 4 "Sunny Yellow" items in one, small home?
• Checked out 27 childrens' books at the library and NONE for myself. Big fail.
• Watched my son do the monkey bars at the neighborhood park for the first time. He had such pride!
• Planned to make secret cupcakes tonight for Valentine's Day lunch at Lil's school tomorrow
• Talked to two different mama friends who both commented on the intense love/pressure/responsibility that comes with this parenting gig.
• Tried on two new shirts as possible outfits for Valentine's date with the hubs tonight. I felt 22 again...almost.
• Hoped that I would not fall asleep before Valentine's date with the hubs tonight. Instantly felt 37 again.

Happy Valentine's Day to my lovely readers....mom, that means you. :)

Sidewalk

Front sidewalk, that time in between homework and when Dad is home from work and, finally, dinnertime.

 I love this time of day...outside...in the neighborhood. Simple family time. Feels so familiar, like "when we were kids." As Lily has been saying with her six-year-old wisdom..."Those were the days."

Looking Back

I went for a walk this morning with a wonderful friend...someone whom I have known since we were young (are we still young?) We talked about college, choices we made, experiences we avoided, and the insecurities of that time period.* I surprised even myself as I remembered the play that I did not try out for because none of my friends were involved in theater. The term abroad I did not apply for because I worried that by the time I returned back to school, my friends would have moved on without me. I remembered the defining moment that I experienced when I realized enough is enough. That my insecurities could not define my choices any longer. That I had to take some risks. 

Months later, I sat in my parents' living room telling them that I was moving to Los Angeles to teach in East L.A. To live in community with, at that point, strangers. To drive my dad's old car across the country. To try something new. For me...this was beyond bold.

This early-morning, old-friend type of conversation that put into perspective for me, this stage of life in which I live today. Mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister. I exist in this space, most days, with confidence that I could not have even dreamed up those years in college. I think this is what people talk about when they say getting older is not so bad...the comfort with oneself.

*We talked about all of this due to a passing comment about Bradley Cooper and swooning. :) Bradley Cooper to Villanova to Habitat to the wisdom that comes with age. That was the order of topics, yes, Ruma?

Mornings

They start early around here, our mornings. Up by 6:30 every day...pitter patter of feet coming in to our room. I follow them out to the kitchen, in my slippers. Turning on lights, taking out crayons, giving kisses. We make oatmeal for one, toasted bagel for the other, and always, coffee for me.

They sit and make more noise than necessary at this early hour, but they are happy. My warm mug in my hands helps ease me in to the day, which will be full and loud and messy and lovely. And this moment of warmth and sitting with my family will hopefully fill me up just enough to deal with the challenges of the day with some patience and love. Mornings are new and hopeful.

Today

Today...I prioritized myself and practiced yoga for 90 blissful, hip-opening minutes.
Today...my sweet friends, adult and tot-sized, bought me a nice, strong coffee.
Today...my son wrote hilariously direct thank you notes to our friends and family. He wanted to do so many "by myself."
Today...I brought my kids swimming and we laughed and cheered as we tried to beat our relay race record of 65 seconds.
Today...I surprised the kids and Pa with a frozen yogurt stop. They were all equally happy.
Today...I will make my family homemade pizza and my husband will declare it "better than  the pizza place pizza" as he does every week.
Today...I will walk to my daughter's school for a meeting, peek in her desk and leave her a silly note.
Today I know just how lucky I am.

Transition

It has been a rough transition coming home (California) from home (Ellicott City) this past week. I underestimated the effects of leaving extended family togetherness, kids getting constant attention, having little to no plans each day, no school, and so on and coming back to cleaning, unpacking, morning routine, homework, and even, for goodness sake, making my own coffee. Yes, vacation life was good. And regular life is pretty darn good, too. But being in that gnarly transition place between the two...yeah, not so good.

We have had a good bit of crankiness, a resistance to the "must-do" items of the day. However, with each extra hour of sleep, each day of routine under our belts, and let's face it, extra coffee, we are finally emerging. Today feels almost normal...school, volunteering, work, playground, homework, dinner...we are making it through relatively unscathed. A wonderful friend told me, one day in, that I would feel better soon. She was right. Thanks, K.

Roller coaster

Yesterday was one of those days...beauty and simplicity mixed with chaos and frustration. The inevitable ebb and flow of parenting, this I know. Yet, it somehow always takes me by surprise. Makes me second-guess my approach. Reassess my goals. Over-analyze my day and the choices that were made.

What I have to remind myself is that my children, those who take me on this roller coaster ride at times, are their own little people. With thoughts and dreams and worries and desires that are independent of my approach, my goals, my choices.

These days will happen, always. Days filled with beauty and chaos. Days with smiles and tears. We are four humans, our little family. Four humans with our own individuality...sometimes in harmony, sometimes in conflict, but always in it together.